Dating a Taurus who is hot and cold

by Dawn
(Bellevue)

I'm a Leo lady and older then my Taurus
Ok first we started seeing each other last year around march, I was in the process of a divorce and he had only been divorced less then a year. We slept together right away (seemed we had this magnetic connection) everything was going good and then I had to back away due to my ex. We started talking again in December and decided to take it slow he stood me up for a date (which hurt but I got over it) Then we got together on New Years Day and it was as if the time apart just made our bond even better.

The thing is he's so hot and cold, one minute im his doll and then turns around and ignores me the next. He will give me this look that says I want you now! But he's so mysterious, will hardly open up to me unless I bring up bike riding (which he loves). He very rarely contacts me first, he never kisses me first. Ignores some of my txt messages especially if its personal or about our feeling towards one another. His response's are very short (unless its about riding) and sometimes skirts about my question without really answering it.

Its always were gonna go slow....I know he cares about me and that we have strong feelings for each other, I just wish he would open up more about himself and tell me that Im his only.

Can anyone help?

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Hot and Cold
by: Aphrodite Bull

His reaction is a typical Taurus reaction when there is uncertainty. Ms Leo, you gave off two red flags!

1st red flag: "Everything was going good and I had to back out due to my ex."

2nd red flag: Communicating personal feelings via text.

When pursuing a Taurus, Please leave your past behind. We hate to regress. We will defintely leave our exes behind. No pics, no love letters, no memoralia. Why? Because with a Taurus, it's all or nothing! You and I, me and you, no one else matters! We're not the sharing type, and we certainly don't want to share your heart with an ex. We want all of you...not a part of you. We will continue to be hesitant until you're 100% sure you want to be with us.
Expressing yourself via text to us is insincere and quite cowardly. No pun intended. But we're very old-fashioned. Anyone can express their feelings via text, but not everyone can express their feelings in person.
If you want to ger closer to your Taurus, don't tell him, show him.
1. Call him, leave a message. No more texting.
2. Cut ties with your exes.
3. Offer to cook him dinner (enough with the bike riding convos, you clearly don't want to be in the friendship zone).
4. Be real affectionate with him, tell him how you feel about him in person. Reassure him.
5. Respect his decision for taking it slow.

Good Luck!

hot and cold Taurus
by: Dawn

Aphrodite Bull
Thanks for the input.

1. I have left him messages..small things
2. Moved out, got my own place.
3. I did offer to cook him dinner and he accepted, but everytime Im to go to his place to cook something comes up and he cancel's. I tell him next time and he says your patience carries alot of weight.
4.(a) Everytime we are together I very affectionate (im a kiss/hug/hold kind of person)
4.(b) Anytime I bring up anything about feelings his mine whatever, thats something he does not discuss and always says that things need to go slow or you concern me with the way you describe ur feelings 4 me.
5. I have told him that I respect the fact that he wants to go slow...but a little somethings besides I care about you would be nice.

He was harsh last week so I ignored him for a couple days and he ended up txting me midweek asking how work was going and that he wish I was off when he was so we could take a shower together and so on.

So I mention how about this weekend, I can come over make dinner, we can watch a movie and such. His response was, lets see what happens, but told me that he did not have his children this weekend....


Hot and Cold
by: Dawn

Aphrodite Bull

Ms. Bull I did what you stated and called instead of txt, asked him if he had plans he states nothing set in stone, so I ask if he wants company he says maybe later (everything is maybe) so I told him well give me a call if you want me come over, I let him decide what were going to do. I got a txt about an hour later asking if I wanted to watch a movie or go look at bikes and grab dinner. I told him why dont I come over and we can decide from there...worked out great ended up watching the movie.

I also told him about my feelings and asked why he only has me over every 2-3 weeks and he states that he wants to make sure I'm going to be commited, I told him that I was not going to go anywhere unless he said otherwise. Finally something I can relate to...

What I dont get is I called saturday and nothing, I sent a small txt later that nite saying miss you and let him be for the rest of the night. I didnt try to contact him unil late afternoon Sunday about going to see a movie that coming out this month and he says...maybe....

Oh dear
by: Anonymous

Can i politely tell you what a "maybe" means to this man? Maybe i will see you tonight/next week/next century IF NOTHING/NOBODY BETTER WILL COME MY WAY. He is either a very lonely and lazy man who doesn't mind others cooking for him or a very weak one who can not say NO to others.

Dump him
by: Anonymous

Are you desperate or what? You say he does not even reply to your text messages? Not only he doesn't give a damn about you but also is incredibly rude! Who treats people this way? Now repeat after me: " I just can't see the writing on the wall"!

Don r't be hard on Yourself
by: Anonymous

You have to see this man for the way he is. He is a great lover, very comfortable but not readly to move beyond his divorce on to the next relationship.

You have to state that you need a certain level of committment to continue to be with him. Boyfriend/dating, you are female and stop swooning over him and be specific like a guy.

I like the way you've helped me not focus on my broken heart from my breakup. Being with you gives me hope that there are many good times to come.

This is our moment and it feels nice when I am with you. Smack him hard like you would any man that disrespected you. Tell him how you feel with out threatening him Always compliment him first of course, I giggle when I think of show .... "I am not to happy when I think how I leave a message and I don't hear from you. Even if it's just to let me know you are good.

Make a sarcastic joke, don't let him make you crazy, you remain in control of you and your standards. "Its my turn Mr. leave a girl hanging in the wind... simple response is all there good for so get in his face about it. vm okay, If you want this man you need to make him step up. He won't doit unless you demand it.

Take away when you are expected to be at his place.

You are the queen make him know it. Put your line in the sand. Stop cooking for him until he is deserving. Don't make his fear of moving forward discourage you.

Hot / Cold
by: D

To: Anonymous

Thanks,

I have been leaving him alone and he has reached out to me first a coulple times now and he wanted me to come over and I was busy...

We shall see how this plays out...

us taurus's
by: a taurus

first off its very hard for a Taurus to open up because I feel like if i let to much out the other person will back stab me. Second he's hot and cold because if you let one person settle on one aspect of you they can figure you out and back stab you again so him being hot and cold is his way of putting up defenses. Third you should be happy to have a guy like him i'm sure he is the most loyal person and kindest person you know. thank you for understanding what is going on when he is hot and cold and you should show him that you understand him so that he might open up.

D
by: Hot / Cold

I understand that he may be putting up his defenses and such, but to me that seems a bit rude the way he does it.
Ignoring communication, unless it’s going to benefit him.
Im sure he is kind and loyal, but when you tell someone you want a relationship then turn around and ignore them, that seems a bit confusing to me.
If he's not sure how to respond to a question or statement made then just tell me, dont leave me to wonder because then I start to question what his intentions really are.
Im honestly not sure what he wants. If you want someone then let them know verbally and affectionately. A few words would go a long way.

Hot/cold taurus
by: Anonymous

As a hot/cold Taurus man I’m willing to bet that most men or even women in this category have one specific relationship from their past that ended up horribly for them and this dictates any relationship they have in the future. They have already put their trust in another person before you and this ended badly for them. Are trust for a partner in the past was manipulated and we will do almost anything to not let this happen again even if it means ignoring everyone for days when things get to emotional for us. It is also a safe bet that they are still in love with the person and wish they could be back with them again but at the same time the despise this person. It’s kind of complicated. This is the same reason why we do not like talking about past relationships because it reminds us of our past and what we really wish we could have/avoid letting happen agian, that’s why the word maybe is always used because we would rather be with this other person or even a good friend to take are mind off of the subject. It may sound bad but you are probably only seen as a replacement but we would never let you know that. Are trust has been destroyed before and that’s probably why we act like this now. The more we trust someone the more cautious we are.

rubbish
by: Anonymous

thats a lot of tosh...if youve been hurt before and then go on to use someone else, thats cruel.im having a crap time with a taurus whos only happy when its all on his terms..sit and wait till i call you.... i dont think so better things to do with my time.

Dawn, Bellevue
by: Aphrodite Bull

Your Taurus is guarded (as most of us are). Those Red Flags of your ex is still on his mind. Unfortunately because we're non-verbalizers, he will never tell you this. He will just sit back patiently, and observe. He will continue to take things slow. When you told him you wanted to be with him...his logic? "OK, then prove it!" He will continue to pull disappearing acts to see how long it will take for you to stick around. He's testing your loyalty.

The keyword for dealing with a Taurus is "PATIENCE."

1st. He will let you in gradually. You will never learn everything about a Taurus in one day, three months, or even 1 year.

2nd. He will show you how he feels. (ie, generosity, constant affection, nurturing, and being an active listener)

3rd. When he feels secure with you, he will begin to let his guards down and begin communicating. Words like "I love you" or "I care about you."

-Good Luck, Dawn!

Aphrodite Bull
by: Dawn

Thank you,


I was able to get a little out of him.

His ex-wife cheated on him, "it's not that I dont want to be in a relationship with you" but he's weighing the pros & cons of us being in a committed relationship and of me in general.

Oh also because of what his wife did he did tell me that he doesnt trust people in general.

Since all that info was given he has pretty much dissapeared and I feel like contacting him to much or looking as if im desperate, some small things like... miss you or thinking of you.

So I dont know, I have not given up, Im still here, still fighting, but I feel like im not getting anywhere.

=(

hot/cold
by: Dawn

Well Im not getting any answer from him at all. Not sure how to proceed. Do I continue to call & txt him even though he does not answer or just leave him be for awhile...
I just want him to think I gave up or turned my back on him...

To Dawn, Bellevue
by: Aphrodite Bull

Tell your Taurus Man this, or send an email:

"I don't mind taking things slow. But I want to know where I stand with you. I feel as if my life is at a standstill. Your ex cheated on you. Things happen. My question is. Why are you giving her so much power? I'm sure she has moved on. Why haven't you? If you want to be with me, that's cool. If not, I can respect that too. But if you continue to keep your guards up. So will I. You have to give alittle in order to get a little."

This will work!
Why?

1. You're using logic and reasoning...not emotion.
2. Whining over someone that we're no longer with is a threat to our egos.
3. Despite how guarded Taurus natives are, we want the 'hearts' of the object of our affection. It makes us feel safe.
4. You're offering to take things slow. Although we always want to know where we stand with you. We hate to feel rushed or pressured into doing anything. We prefer to do things when they're slow and gradual.

Aphrodite Bull
by: Dawn

Ok, sent, we shall see how long it takes him to respond (if he does at all) and what he truly wants.

Thank you for all your help.

Taurus men
by: Aries

so what happened? I'm an aries in almost the exact situation as you were! :)

Aries
by: hot/cold

We dont talk anymore, he was not ready to move on from his divorce. We did try and give it one last go but at this time our lives are just too different and we want different things.
I do see him from time to time (work for the same company-different departments) & still get the looks (when he thinks im not paying attention) but he has made up his mind and I know him, he will not change it. The looks tell me he still cares... but its not going to happen.
We enjoyed the same things, talked for hours about different things & he did open up about a lot of personal stuff but again our minds are in different places.

Hope this helps...

Hey Dawn...
by: Anonymous

A taurean guy is like sand in your palm...
The more you want to hold it, the more it slips out....

Text him this--- 'Thanks for everything...you be happy and take care.'

He will come back for sure...

Hey anonymous...
by: D

I did just that & sure enough he txted me back... However i cant go thru that heartache again...
So I sent a txt asking to be friends and he said he can live with that...


Thank you to everyone who gave advice...

Taurus Man help
by: Two Fishes

I will try to make this as short as possible. My taurus man and I dated for about three months. He then sent me an email titled "the Future" tell me he couldn't give me the 110% I deserved and that he didn't want me to disappear from his life. So we kept in contact with text and a phone call from time to time. Then after a few MONTHS. He texts me and invites me to dinner. It was good,we spend time and it was as if no time had passed. He left me with a hug. But we started to have another dinner together and somewhere along the way it went back to being romantic. Kissing, holding hands. I was so happy. He then took a job with our same company in Florida. So two months before we left we were spendng alot of time together. We work for an airline and can fly whenever we want. I told him as I was cooking him dinner, we can do this wherever. And your only two plane rides away. The last night before he left for Florida he stayed with me. And we had a great night. He has been there 2 months now and he hasn't invited me out. I went last month to his city for work, and we did spend some time together. At our work dinner he sat right by me and kept telling me he would watch my purse, and then put some of his food on my plate. That night he had to help a friend with his car, and when he got home that night he texted me to just tell me he got home. The next night we went to dinner just he and I. Had dinner on the beach, he fed me some of his food on his fork. He didn't hold my hand although I was hoping he would. We went to a dock and looked at the stars together. Then drove around some more. Showed me the golf course he plays weekly golf at. The we drove downtonw, then he took me to my hotel. I asked him if he wanted to come up for a few mins. He said sure. HE came up and was investigating my room. He relaxed on the bed and I gave him a massage like I always do. And then he got up because it was late... he walked to the door and embraced me for a min. THen he kissed me on the lips, put his hands and arms around my waist and patted me on the butt. Told me he would talk to me soon.
He texted me when he got home. The next morning I was supposed to stay their another night, but something at work happened. I had to leave. I got to the airport and my friends told me to NOT text him and let him know I was there. He didn't ask me the night before what I was doing so they said just get on the plane. Well I did just that and when I got back he texted me and said I saw you left. Which means he looked me up. Wonder why. I told him something happened at work and I had to bold back. We had texted back and forth since then. He responds to my texts very quickly. Now I am waiting. It's been just a week since I have had any communication from him. What do you think?Sorry my story was so long....

Taurus Help
by: two fish's

I have been going round and round with this Taurus. We first dated for 3 months then out of no-where he sent me and email and it was titled "the Future". Where he told me that he couldn't give me the 110% that I deserve and that he didnt want me to disappear from his life. Two days after that he was texting me to say hi. So we kept in contact from time to time. I would drop cookies I made on his desk. For a few months I didn't see or hear much from him. Then out of no-where he sends me a text and says what are you doing. I said not much why...? HE said lets meet for dinner. So we did, and it was comfortable just like before. After coffee at starbucks we hugged and he texted me to tell me how much fun he had.

Taurus man what do they want?
by: Pisces Lady

I am 47 pisces lady who started dating this 51 taurus man 6 mos ago. I found out shortly after we started dating that he has loves dating more than a lady at the time...the problem is that I have small kids and so not 100 free and he has no young kids and he is a retired cop...so he has lots of time on his hands, I do not.
He told me he cant commit but he likes me very much, I decided to stay for the time being, he makes me feel sooo sexy I never felt that eve
The last month he bought something in another state and he went there to clean and fix the place. During his stay, he texted me everyday and stated that being far made his heart grow fonder. His texts came every day stady, romancing me as much as he could...it was actually fantastic...till the last weekend he called me wishing me good weekend and disappeared ...naturally my assumption is he has another lady company for the last weekend in this place...I sticked to my guns not texting nor calling ...on tuesday like nothing happened he just texted me he was busy but coming back soon and wanted to see me...aaaarrrgghhh...I am falling in love with this guy, but I dont understand what game is he playing...he wants me or not?

to 'Taurus man what do they want?'
by: Anonymous

My dear Pisces lady,

He is playing a dirty game with you...Be a clever girl and beat him to it!!! And no, he doesn't care about you, nor does he respect you! You are only one of many!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Pisces Women, Taurus Male
by: Rosemary

I have been dating my Taurus boyfriend for 8 months. It was extremely rocky because I was still with my ex of 9 years when I met him (the breakup process was very long). I am a Pisces and he was a Gemini so it DEFINITELY wasn't a harmonious relationship.

Anyways, I met my Taurus while on vacation in the Caribbean, while I was trying to get over my ex. Ironically, we hit it off and couldn't wait to see each other when we got back. He pursued me intensely for 2 months before I noticed he was giving up in which case, I asked him to officially be my boyfriend. I kept saying no initially because I wanted to make sure I no longer had any lingering feelings for my ex and honestly I was unsure of the Taurus since he sounded just too good to be true.

Anyways, we started quickly planning our future together with aspirations of marriage and our financial situations and out of nowhere after missing out 8 month anniversary to go to a wedding in the states, he comes back, brings me flowers and dumps me. I told him I didn't want to be with anyone else and could't accept what he was telling me.

I found out the reason for this recently:

When he sprung it on me that he was leaving for 3 months, he looked at me to see how I would react and he said something about not knowing how it would affect our relationship. He didn't seem very optimistic so I told him that I can't do it and said that I would need to start dating other people and when he gets back we can see where it goes. BIG MISTAKE! I don't know WHY I said it but I just wanted him to say that everything would be fine and I guess it was just my defence mechanism but I definitely didn't mean it.

This was about a month ago and last night he told me that he hears what I had said in his head everyday and how he is disappointed in what I said after everything we had been through. He also said he is having a hard time further developing the feelings for me he has and that it just reconfirmed his negative views on marriage.
Since then, I told him I didn't mean it and I just blurted it out because I didn't know how to react. He's tried to get over it and told me last weekend he was over it but he said that he cannot.
I've tried everything from being patient, not showing him what an emotional mess I am and telling him I love him and will wait for him and that there is no way I am leaving or seeing other people and that I've never been sure of anything in my life but it doesn't seem to be working. Is he still in the "assessment" phase? I feel like I keep reconfirming all of these things and it IS getting through to him but he keeps reverting back to what I said.

He's hot and cold, yesterday he told me he loved me and wanted to spend the weekend with me and the next day he was raising his voice and yelled "no" when I asked him to hang out. I can't help but being an emotional mess and he's told me to stop being crazy.

Since then, I am trying to be more calm.... any advice? I am extremely depressed.

taurus is much more simple then they seem
by: Lauren

I do this when I am uncertain if the person I am with is as commited to me as I am to them. We are so commited we dont know how or if we should give u up. he wants to see u fight for him. be reliable. Be dependable. Be consistent in being there for him. text him when u wake up call him when he goes to sleep despite his mood. hell show up at his house with dinner or at his work with a thoughtfull lunch. Don't just tell him show him and if you do tell him u better follow through and eventually it'll stick :) honestly the key with a Taurus is to be there and I mean physically. Because we become very distant and loose that connection otherwise

-Taurus women in love with a Pisces man

What shall I do now?
by: Anonymous

People say Taurus men never show their true feelings but my friend told me everything about his life, evry little detail, he was having health problems due to smoking, a big lawsuit, his elderly father died after three months in a hospital, he was working too much but didn't get a promotion..

He offered to help me with some chores (I did not ask since he was always so busy), then he took some days off due to a small surgery without telling me. Upon his return he lost the lawsuit, someone made a fake profile on the web, he became secretive regarding his plans, doesn't talk to me anymore.I am too proud to call and ask what's going on.

Me, that he considered his best friend. I did not mention his problems to my friends or to his boss, who is now a good friend, so what''s happening with the guy? Jealousy?

My Taurus lover
by: Miss Scorpio

I have been seeing a Taurus guy on and off for about 6months. We have the most amazing chemistry that I know he also feels. I am a lot older than he and was getting scared of my feelings for him so I disappeared. I did not contact him or call him and after about 9 months later he contacted me again asking to see me. He pursued me and chased me for 6 months and when we met up his eyes lit up and we hugged for about 30 minutes. After meeting up he has become hot and cold again. I noticed that he was always like this but truly it confuses me because he acts like he is no that interested yet my gut tells me he has strong feelings for me. I am just trying to act cool and let him come to me when he is ready. Can anyone tell me what is happening.

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