Leo and being ignored

The Leo man I know (once knew?) was a very close colleague of mine. He was new to the city and had very few friends. I opened him into my world with open arms. Invited him to parties, happy hour, etc, at the time he had a GF. We remained as close colleagues and casual friends.I soon began to realize that our lunches and dinner together that I was beginning to develop feelings for him.

I let him know that I'd like to keep building our friendship and getting to know him and he told me he really didn't think he could handle balancing the awkward situation with being close colleagues and also trying to be close friends.

It became increasingly difficult, despite the fact he had broken up with his GF, was regularly online dating sites seeking the attention of women and dating them (he had quite a few GFs and none of them seemed to last more than a few months), as much as we had connected during the work day (not co-workers/I was a client), lots of emails and phone calls daily, half the time about work, have the time about life in general, he never saw me as someone he'd want to approach outside of the office.

I got frustrated by that and said this was an uneasy situation, being close colleagues and casual friends. He would get mad and say I am over-thinking and we're just casual and get over it.

Our relationship was always like this.If he was sick,I'd offer to come by if he needed anything,if he was going out of town, I'd offer a ride to the airport, pretty much what I would do for any friend I cared about. He would do a lot for me that I wouldn't normally ask or trust anyone to do, he would come and support many events, even the ones that had nothing to do with his company, he was someone I could share a lot of my frustrations with my job, co-workers, boss, our relationship really helped to make my work days go by faster and brighter.

Our friendship was not this way. We used to be able to text each other at night and then one day I got fed up with this casual world, he knew I cared, but I was sick of being passed over for all these other women. Its not like we never spent any time together outside the office, we were both the same age, had a lot of things in common and we connected really well. We shared a lot of stories of life experiences, mistakes, hopes and dreams. I was not very nice about my frustration and from that moment on he started to tell me it was inappropriate for us to talk about feelings.

I stopped texting him all together. One night while I was out my phone was out of the holster and ended up dialing him at midnight. I got a nasty text from him that said "don't you ever do that again!". I texted back that I was out with friends and that my phone auto-dialed and that I was sorry, he never responded.

He became so harsh that I stopped inviting him out, didn't bother to invite him to my bday party as I had in the past, he became so mean and aggressive towards me outside the office, I just gave up on him.

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part 2
by: virgo gal

Well the inevitable happened. He told me he was being laid off and that he was expected to stay on board for another month. I felt so bad for him, our working relationship continued to grow and we were also getting a lot closer, being really nice to each other, saying sorry to each other, which he would never do in the past.I kept looking out for leads for him, kept checking up on him to make sure he was hanging in there, sent him a lot of positive words of wisdom and humor from my lay off stories of the past. I backed off from asking him for any help as I knew his main focus was to seek out a new job.

He told me he felt he may need to move back home, home is where his parents live and his friends of 15+ years, he started to tell me he didn't think it was that great here, he's a beach bum at heart and claimed the water is too cold and dirty, there is too much traffic. He also had a GF at the time whom, I guess wasn't that important to him since he said he was about 95% sure he was going to move. Of course I tried to encourage him to give the city another chance and that I could show him what a great place it is, but he said his intention was to never stay here anyway. I was bummed and told him that but he told me to stop telling him that, so I again just gave up and accepted whatver he wanted.

So a few weeks went by and I had an important event coming up that he had promised he wouldn't miss out on, an event where friends and family were invited to,I get an email 2 hours before saying he has bad news, he can't come, he forgot it was his GF's bday that day. Of course I was very disappointed but more so irritated that he couldn't even call, just sent this cheesy email. The event was great, everyone had fun, lots of hugs exchanged, huge success. I was still mad though and sent him an email later stating my disappointment. I was really mad and I didn't hold back. I realized I might have been a bit harsh and wrote back that I should have given myself some time to get over it before I hit the send button (we're both very impulsive and reactive in our anger), but being a virgo perfectionist I saw that I was wrong and apologized for being so harsh. I finally heard back from him 4 days later he apologized for cancelling on me the last minute, told me he had no choice and that if he was going to stay in town he would let me know and wished me a good thanksgiving.

I had already thought before my event that based on our talks that the party was going to be the last time I'd see him before he left and that I wanted to wish him a proper goodbye, that was the main reason I was upset by him not being there, I wanted to say goodbye. I accepted that he was going to leave. I responded to his last email and said that I'd like to stay in touch and remain friends even if he is 3,000 miles away.

part 3 final
by: virgo gal

Never heard back from him. In fact he sent a farewell email to a bunch of my coworkers and welcomed them all to stay in touch with him. I wasn't included in this email. I tried to call him a total of 4 times between thanksgiving and christmas, the last time I tried I texted him and wished him a merry xmas and said I really hope he is well.

We aren't facebook friends, I removed him many months before that when we had a major arguement but I do know he's already long gone and moved. I guess I am still in shock that even on a professional level he didn't allow me a chance to say goodbye,it really didn't make sense why he'd want to burn a bridge like that or want me as a professional referral.

To this day, I don't even know if he's employed, I know he's been gone for a while and it still bugs me that things end like this. I now speak in past tense "he's a guy I once knew".

I have finally accepted that I didn't do anything wrong to be ignored like this. I guess I just misunderstood the value of our overall relationship and that he was just doing his job and that I was just a paycheck.

With 4 months with no contact, 1 1/2 years of a tug and pull game and drama, I've finally gotten perspective that I needed this space and time to realize that this is not something I'd want to go back to. It feels like you give so much to get back so little in return, whether this is a test of your loyalty, it is too much and I know where I draw the line.

Prior to making my first comment...
by: Anonymous

I have seen only the first main post of yours. Well, give him some room. You have done nothing wrong. It's just that you cam too strong, and he got cold feet because, again, you mean something to him. You are not anyone out of ordinary. On the other hand, I, as a gayman, had one short term thing with a virgo man. I know you are also similar to leos in some ways such as being perfectionist, organized though you are more strict with your plans and schedules which is most of the time opposite of a leo. Leos are laid back, mostly. You are a challenge for him and he would like it as long as you(virgo person) do not try to control or rule over a leo or be arrogant about it.

Anyhow, I suggest, if you still want to keep the relationship/friendship whatever is left or let it grow, then give him some room, maybe just send a simple yet genuine postcard for special days but keep it short. Let him develop the bravery before you both decided anything serious. Again, it's not that he doesn't like you or you have done something wrong, it's just that you are a serious relationship material and the decision he has to make is whether he is ready for one. How about, you just encourage him by saying "I am okay if this turns out to be friends with benefits and I am comfortable with that if you consider and I hope that you do consider it. I will not change my position until you are ready or ever consider something more serious." Of course, as long as you are okay and go along with it. It may encourage him to take the next step. You both have strong personalities and the relationship requires some work but I think you both would be very considerate of each other and have respect to one another during the relationship.

I have had some of the best relationship at the most unexpected and least planned time. I and my partners planned to just have fun and they all turned out to be the best relations. So if you both are hooking up with others, let this one has similar beginning and see if it turns around and become something more meaningful.

Good luck,

Leoman

thanks for the feedback
by: virgo gal

Thanks for your feeback Leoman. As you can tell that some time has passed and I have had no contact with him. I do care about him and think about him from time to time.

I don't really feel comfortable reaching out to him at this moment, I'm still not over a lot of the hard words that were spoken to me over the 1 1/2 years we had known each other. He was always incredibly gentle and sweet in face to face meetings, which in turn made me feel very relaxed, patient and feminine, which is strange, I can be very tough on the outside, he is one person that has mentioned to bring out a much softer side of me, but once he gets back home behind a computer screen or even on the phone is when all hell broke loose.

I surprised him once by sending him sunflowers to thank him for being on my side and how much I appreciated him and he freaked out over it and said he knew I meant well but that was inappropriate, then said he needed space and avoided me for a month. He's even called me a stalker because according to him and his friends my emails act as if we hung out and I have no reason to discuss my feelings and had claimed our outings were purely just business.

I've been called a nuisance for inviting him to a hike when I'm in the area.

He did mention what you did about me being unique, he said he has met nobody else like me but of course he has said it in major contempt, haha. At one point he said he was shocked that I didnt hate him already for his harsh words.

I have a leo boss who is much like this guy, he is very rough on the outside but very much a softy on the inside, the one thing about my boss is that I've learned to keep my distance but continue to kick butt and I know he appreciates me when I get rewarded with some generous bonuses. I've gained his trust that I care about his business and he trusts my decisions, but unfortunately this Leo I once knew doesnt seem to believe that whatever I am doing is not to have control but because I truly just want for him to be happy and to support him.

I'm in no rush to make contact at this time.

MOVE ON GIRL
by: Anonymous

am a leo girl and somehow had the same experience with a virgo guy.

This virgo guy has been 1 of d sweetest guyz around dat i know. He is sweet, caring n very much tolerant cos i lost count of time i publicly embarrassed him n still he never relented in being my friend.

Though, ryt 4rm time he had made his intention known 2 hv somthng going on btw us but i strongly wanted us 2 b just friends (he never gave up even till dis moment).

Deep down i knw i hv no feelings 4 him, just cld only hv him as a very very close frnd. This i strongly told him cos i actually dont wanna hurt him. But he was still dere wit such persistence dat i've neva in my life seen. But d truth is evn if i say yes 2 him, wen i finally see som1 dat blowz my mind, i wldnt hesitate leaving him 4 dat person, n dis i hv tried so much 2 explain.

The thng is i luv having number of male frnds dat cld seem lik we r dating but we clearly state our ground on d kinda relationship we're in.

MY ADVICE
Just let go...move on wit life cos i believe if he really wanted something wit u, he wld hv done dat long ago. Just give him som space, i mean a very long space n see if he wld come back 2 his ryt senses 2 realize hw special u 2 can b.He needs 2 b attracted 2 u 1st as som1 2 go in2 a rlationship with.

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