Affair with an Aquarius man

by Sam
(United States)

I am a married Aries woman who has had, or maybe it's having, not sure right now, an affair with an Aquarius man, and I would really love it if an Aquarius man would educate me, and others on this forum, why do y'all ignore us right in the middle of when things seem to be going so well? I've read many posts about the Aquarius man, but this is my situation, and I would like to know how to respond, or what to do, because it seems like every time I try and "fix" things, or make everything "okay" when we haven't been getting along, it just seems to be the wrong thing!! Here's the latest situation:
We got into a "tiff" over a month ago, and I felt absolutely horrible for my actions and what I said because my nasty Arian temper got the best of me, so I just backed-off and gave us both time to "think" and "heal", so when I felt enough time had passed, I left a really nice bottle of wine on his doorstep, knowing that he is a big wine drinker and enjoys a nice glass after he's gotten off from work, and later that night he sent me a text thanking me for the wine, and we chatted for a just a few minutes, and he wanted me to go over, but there was no way I could, so he went to bed, and that was that. Well, because of his work, and how busy he is I don't expect him to text much during the day, so I sent one text around mid day telling him I think he's sexy, but of course, no response. Later that night once I was home and could talk, I sent him a couple of texts, and he responded a little bit, and once he got home the conversation took a sexual turn, as it usually does because we agreed that we are "friends with benefits", for obvious reasons, then he asked if I was going over, and again, I couldn't just up and leave in the middle of the night without a lot of questions being asked, and plus my monthly started, so there was no way I could go, even though I wanted to so badly. Well, apparently I said the wrong thing, or something, because he shut down, and completely ignored me until I got him to talk with me a little bit on the Monday, because I was trying to get a time when we could get together, but I guess it wasn't my week, so now he's gone into his "silent mode", which drives me absolutely nuts, and refuses to talk with me!! I've asked him what I did wrong, which from reading all of the information that is on this site, is taboo with these guys, and he has not talked with me since. I thought I had figured out what went wrong, so I wrote him a short note explaining more of the situation and how it came about..with the wine, that is, and in my defense I wasn't even sure he'd accept it in the first place, so I really didn't plan on "hooking-up". So here I am thinking: "Now what have I done to upset you?" What in the heck is this all about? I've read that if he's ignoring me this is a good thing, go figure, and likes me and probably wants to be with me but won't allow himself to be?! Okay Aquarius men: what do I do in this situation? Has he completely written me off and that's that, or is there something I can do to try and get him to talk with me again?
I'm not going to say that we could never be together because I don't know what the future holds, but I have never made him feel like he was about to lose his freedom or anything like that. We are both very independent and "have" to have the freedom to be who we are and be able to express it the way "we" feel is okay. I've been married a long time, and I have never connected with another man until I met "him", and we connected on a level that we just intuitively know what the other is thinking, most of the time, so quite honestly, we haven't talked much which I would absolutely love because both of us are about communicating, or at least I thought we were, and I would love to just sit and talk for a few hours, or however long we had, and I'd be perfectly happy with this!! When we originally got together, he said he couldn't live like that...that being just having an affair not being able to see me on a regular basis and form a relationship...but then we kept hooking-up, and ending up in each others lives, and here we are today, but I'm just not sure what to do for fear I'm going to just mess it all up. But I will say that it has been extremely taxing and very difficult trying to figure him out, which I love doing with people, and it has taken its toll on me at some points. Part of me is saying to just walk away and never see him again, and just let it be, but that Arian side "hates" not understanding something, and leaving something hanging when it doesn't need to be left like that. Some insight from the Aquarius men would be good right now because I really want him to be a part of my life, but as he will do what is best for him, so must I, so if this can be resolved and just go one way or the other, then so be it, because quite honestly, my patience is running a bit thin, but I've hung in there up to this point, so I'm willing to give it another go until it just cannot be worked out any longer. Thanks for any help you could give me.

Comments for Affair with an Aquarius man

Click here to add your own comments

Response
by: Anonymous

Hi There,

First, you have to remember that men & women are just wired differently. Women are led by emotion (how they 'feel' about things) and men, especially aquarius men, are led by their minds & intellect (how they 'experience' things). The 'head and the heart' are the major differences between you and the aquarius. So, by acting from the heart, you are not dealing with the aquarius on the 'head' level that he understands. Heres what jumped out at me in your post:

1) "every time I try and "fix" things, or make everything "okay" when we haven't been getting along, it just seems to be the wrong thing"

Men like to be the ones to "fix things" - IF indeed they see that anything needs to be "fixed" at all. You're taking on a male role here and its against part of the basic character of a man to respond well to that. This is not about gender stereotypes, but part of the old 'limbic brain' primal instinct stuff that is hardwired into people. Women have the 'nurturing' tendencies, men have the old 'hunter-gatherer' hardwiring. Of course, we live in modern times so its hard to see that in a modern context, but, just like deeply ingrained instincts/responses like 'fight or flight', these basal characteristics are there. You can't be the one to "fix things", as on a primal level, it is emasculating and for reasons that men can't even explain themselves, it just puts their defenses up.

2) Its all about you you you.
"I just backed-off and gave us both time to "think" and "heal", so when I felt enough time had passed, I left a really nice bottle of wine..."
How can YOU judge when HE has had enough time to "think & heal"? People do this in their own time - especially aquarius men. Its you acting out male again by trying to take charge and manage the situation. He's not a child, you're not his mother, and yet, your actions and thought processes seem to echo this somewhat. How do you think that makes an independent aquarius man respond?!
"I don't expect him to text much during the day, so I sent one text around mid day telling him I think he's sexy, but of course, no response. Later that night once I was home and could talk, I sent him a couple of texts..."
What you're doing is all about what is convenient for you and even though you know he's busy at work, in you go anyway!

continues...

response
by: Anonymous

3) "Well, apparently I said the wrong thing, or something, because he shut down, and completely ignored me until I got him to talk with me a little bit on the Monday..."
I'm not surprised that an aquarius man shut down at this point. Your use of .."well apparently.." shows that you only see things from your point of view, not his. They don't text if they don't see a reason to - they don't tend to text just for the hell of it. So you're there, repeatedly texting him at work and home - and you're not even available to go see him. An aquarius would just see that as illogical and perhaps even a bit annoying. They believe that they have superior intellect to most and are easily bored and cut themselves off from stuff that makes no sense to them.
4) " I've asked him what I did wrong... and he has not talked with me since."
Getting needy and emotional - two classic turn-offs for men and aquarius men in particular. From childhood, men are told to not be a cry-baby, to be tough and made to feel like a cissy if they talk about 'feelings'. So, when they have grown up, talking about emotionals always feels so awkward that they would rather run than handle it. It makes men deeply uncomfortable to be confronted with the needy emotional stuff that women put out. Aquarius especially can't be bothered with this kind of stuff. Again, men 'experience' things - women 'feel' things. So, your question "what did I do wrong" has all the undertones of being needy and emotional, which is sort of repellent to men in general.

5) "I thought I had figured out what went wrong, so I wrote him a short note explaining more...."
It reads like you've turned from the fun woman he fell for into a stressball who just won't stop ramming your feelings at him. Plus, its that 'doing the male thing' & taking charge/managing of the situation that just pushes men further back. Like I said, I understand your actions completely, and I do not defend the way men react in these situations, but its as well to see it from a man's perspective. But your note sounds like it came across as a whiney, stressy cling-on to stuff that he may not have seen as relevant in the first place.

6) " So here I am thinking: "Now what have I done to upset you?" What in the heck is this all about?"
Wheres the fun woman he fell for in the first place? The one who was easy to be around, light, fun, sexy etc.? You're now manifesting as someone who has changed into someone who is more 'stressed.' Ask yourself, have you changed the way you communicate with his, relate to him, treat him since the beginning?

response
by: Anonymous

7) " is there something I can do to try and get him to talk with me again?"
You should get back to being YOU. You sound like you've 'lost yourself' in this situation. Aquarius men are attracted to bright, vibrant, intelligent, independent women who know who they are and are not afraid to express it. It sounds like you've slid away from that, and changed into a needy stressball. Get back to the woman that he was attracted to in the first place, top trying to "fix" the relationship with him and focus on fixing yourself - the woman that he wants. Stop stressing, stop explaining, just be the best version of you that you are. Its obviously irresistible to him - and you will feel a whole lot better in yourself.

8) "I have never made him feel like he was about to lose his freedom or anything like that..... but I'm just not sure what to do for fear I'm going to just mess it all up"
You've mentioned a massive factor in all this - "fear". With a lot of women, that fear of losing a relationship makes them cling on for dear life, act desperate, needy, clingy, stressed etc. - and it all vibes across to the man. Fear changes a woman's behavior and frankly, she's more of a pain in the ass to be around, because she's no fun any more. Try seeing how your fear manifests itself to him.

Leave him alone for a while - focus on you and doing the things you enjoy that make you happy. Be who you are, not a stressball and he'll naturally come back anyway. When he does, he'll reconnect to what he found attractive in the first place.

Your input
by: Anonymous

Things have changed since all of the above took place, and we decided it would be in both our best interests to go our separate ways, for obvious reasons. It's not that I didn't completely "get" him because I have two moons in Acquarius, so I am a very logical thinker, and don't like what I view as "useless" or "messiness" in anything in my life, and will cut-things-off with people without even blinking an eye because it's not logical to me, and feels unnecessary, but when you've been with the complete opposite type of man for as long as I have I wasn't use to being around someone more like myself in these aspects, and sometimes you just can't see the forest for the trees, but I've come out learning a lot, and wiser, and I view it as an experience, and now I'll move on. Thanks for your input, I do appreciate it.

Thank you
by: Anonymous

Having read this ladies comment regarding her Aquarius man.. I could, as an Aries woman have almost beleived we were seeing the same person and having the same scenario... who ever you are 'Anonymous' who gave the reply... Thankyou so much..I really needed to read that and sit up and think about what a pain I have been and I totally agree with everything you said. Lets hope its not too late in my situation...time to focus!!!

wow
by: Anonymous

im a aquarius man dealing with aries woman and its crazy how are situations where so similar.. Its difficult ro explain but how can u text somebody but cant see them.. Thas where my issues where with the woman i dealt with.. It seems pointless if we are just talking when there is attraction.. And you cant fix things just let it go.. Which i see u did..

me tooo
by: Anonymous

I am a pisces woman seeing an aquarious man ,i will not chase after him and he has come back a few times ,but i too have been banging on about feelings and reading this has opened my eyes considerably.
he is in a 15yr relationship with 2 children ,never married and says he loves me( we were both our first loves years ago)that they were friends that just happened.... and knows to be truely happy he wants to be with me,but says he cannot betray his children and his family and he "fears" that I will not wait for him.
I am an independent determined woman who is affectionate funny and we truely are in love I believe ,but I also fear that my tolerance for witing with wither .....

Lol got to love aquarius men!!
by: Kiss hands

Jasmine what sign are you? Well my fiancé is an Aquarian and all I can say is this man rocks my whole universe....I'm madly in love with him I wouldn't trade him for anything.....these men are very open minded, make great listeners, always offers a helping hand, full of surprises, don't hold grudges, competitive, honest with their feelings, very very loyal, spontaneous in everything and yes that means in between the sheets, he definitely is a master in taking care of my sexual needs....ok I also noticed that when I first stated dating my water bearer, it seemed like he wasn't paying attention to certain things I would talk about or he didn't really take it seriously, well I was wrong....if it seems like he's not taking in certain information he really is because multiple times he would repeat something I said to him months ago and wow he didn't forget and he was listening.....also once these guys fall in love, they are completely loyal and catering to their mate, they would sacrifice for others....aqaurius are known for treating evening equally and I read that they treat their lovers like they test their friends. From experience I noticed that yes they are loyal and genuine to friends as well but my man also makes me feel more important to him then anything else....he worships me ;) I admit i do get jealous at times when he shows a lot of interest in others but that's just his friendly kind nature and curiousty towards the world....in the end of the day I'm the one he pampers and holds so close....I'm guessing you get my point already about an aqaurius man.....they truly are one of the best lovers if the zodiacs!!!!

Married Aquarius man in love
by: Anonymous

I am currently having an affair with an Aquarius man who is married,He says he loves me. But he acts a little distant which gets me upset,he lies a lot too,which we argue about and it tells me its for a reason.Recently,I called it quits and he told me to move on that I only just pretended but I replied I didn't,the next morning he called me up trying to get me back telling me he loves me and I hang up and he is frustrated.Telling me he is not happy that he has other girls but I am his love and that is why he is open with me.I need someone who is free,outgoing,fun,I feel like my emmotions is trapping me with him,I want to go and find someone else as he is married with kids. help

It is not really ignoring
by: Marshall

As an Aquarius man I can tell you that I get anxiety in the first period of the relationship when things seem to be getting serious. It is because of a feeling of obligation that by paying attention during the close times in the relationship means giving away the fact we are interested but are not willing to make a commitment just yet. If a woman makes to anywhere near serious with me then I am definitely interested so just remember it is a "freedom" and fear of opening up emotionally but if wait it will iron itself out in time. Hope that does not make things even harder to get.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Aquarius man.

Are we compatible?

Find out what astrology has to say about your unique partner and relationship beyond just sun signs.

Astrology and soulmates

How to know if you're with your soulmate. The most common features of soulmate relationships.

Astrology and seduction

By understanding someone and how they view things it's easy to make yourself more attractive to them.

Online relationships

Explore hidden factors such as physical attraction so you can see the whole picture of your relationship.

Relationship advice

Personal relationship advice based on your natal and composite charts. 21 years of experience solving real problems for real couples.

New relationships

Astrology can let you learn more about someone you recently met. It's the most powerful tool I've found to predict the future of a relationship.

Get your ex back

Avoid arguments before they start and turn your differences into strengths. It's never too late to begin again.

Considering an affair

For the first time in years you feel alive. My unbiased and anonymous analysis takes the gamble out of deciding what to do.

Relationship ebooks

From naughty to nice, my reviews of ebooks on dating, love, sex and more.

Astrology compatibility

How does it work? How accurate is it? Why are there 12 signs? An introduction to synastry and compatible astrology.