Scorpio Woman in love with an Aquarius Man who never cared

I have never dated or been romantically involved with an Aquarius before. I met him and it was for a business arrangement; we were introduced for a marriage arrangement so that he may get his papers. I am not proud of this and almost feel as though karma has dealt me a blow from it, because from the moment I laid eyes on him, my heart was no longer just mine. I was really going to tell him, that night, that I wasn't going to go through with it, but after meeting him I couldn't do it. I just wanted to know him more. We met, occasionally, and prepared for our wedding and all of the things we would have to do after and I played it cool and never showed my true feelings, but I could have sworn I felt the same from him...probably not as intense as mine, but I knew he felt something also. It is just too intense not to feel and I do not and have never had a crush or pursued anyone whom I did not feel had potential...I hate to waste time! On the night of our wedding, we went out and got plastered and then "I" seduced him at the end of the night. He said he didn't want to complicate things and I said..."no problem"...yeah right! I was a goner the minute that we did because I am not good with casual relationships and already had intense feelings for him. Then life took over and, as we both are busy, we kept missing our times to see each other, but I did not see any extra trying on his part or anymore than mine anyways. I am very used to being pursued and this is weird for me, but I still don't care that he doesn't because sometimes it is enough just to be near him whenever I can. About a couple of months went by and then we had to go to visit some of my family for photo ops that were needed for the papers and we would have to spend a lot of time together really getting to know each other before our interview. Well visiting with my family, they fell in love with him also and could feel my intense emotions towards him and said they saw he definitely felt something also and were all about us being a real couple...this just screwed me up sooo much more! I then went into lala land and grew more clingy and was more loving and you get the rest...he began to show more feelings, but as he saw me getting more emotionally involved, he started getting just a little more detached and on our last night there, we spoke of our families and he brought up that our families were very different and I tried to start a case of how it didn't matter and whatever I could think of to get my way...he just shrugged, said that it was not true and rolled away from me and to sleep. I just layed there, stunned, for a few minutes and then got up and went outside with a feeling I have never had before and never want again...defeat and pain. He left the next day and I decided to stay a few days longer, but I was so upset and depressed I could not even enjoy myself and my family's company. When I returned, he was to spend the next week with me, before our interview, and I was doing everything I could to make myself understand that it just wasn't going to happen and that he was just using me and did not really want "me", just what I could ultimately give him and that there was nothing I could do to change this and I will NOT win this one. He came to stay on Monday and I made him sleep on my air mattress and then Tuesday he disappeared until Wednesday when i put him in his place, explaining that the interview was important and he needed to get his act together as we had less than a week. He agreed, apologized, and did not do it again until the interview...physically he was with me, but he never was mentally and it felt painful and I kept telling myself I deserved it because I was a dumbass from the start.
Once the interview was over we saw each other, rarely, and most of the time I would just keep my emotional distance and he would try to pretend we were friends. I finally told him, one day, that we needed to speak and I went over to his place to tell him that we were not friends and that I was sick of his games (pretending to be my friend and whatever to keep me doing his bidding) and that I needed him to keep his distance. I was open about my past feelings for him and I told him that I felt know reason for us to continue pretense...blah, blah blah. I gave him a hug and on my way out the door, he said that he had always liked me and that it was just complicated because of his goals for being here and his link to his culture. I told him it was cool and walked out the door. I didn't see or hear from him for a while and then he contacted me about something to do with our marriage and then contacted me again about something else and then again and then we finally had an okay talk, one time, and I agreed to go to dinner with him. The dinner went well and then, as I knew he wanted to see me longer that evening, I told him I had other plans and invited him (I knew he wouldn't go) and had him take me home. I had a couple of texts and phone conversations with him for the next few weeks, but nothing much and then he let me know he was going to visit his family soon and said we should hang out before he left. We ended up getting together last night for dinner. After dinner, he asked if I wanted to go to his place and chill and I "knew" what was in store, but I missed him so much still and thought "what the hell", but knowing it was a really big mistake. I let him feel like he was coercing me with the "I'm really tired and we can just sleep here" line and the "remember all of our good times" crap, but then when we were laying in his bed and I was still acting out loud and feeling scared inside about going further, I asked him if he was using our past to get me to have sex with him...maybe I knew the truth, but I really didn't want to believe it and I also wanted to call him on it. He denied it,saying that he wouldn't do that and then started saying some other gibberish about how he could have sex with different women every night, if he wanted to and he just doesn't do that and then some other things that just didn't get my attention and I cannot remember all of it. He seemed to notice and grabbed me to hold me from behind and then, of course, one thing led to another and... Anyways, after we were through, so was he and he turned over and went to sleep. It is weird, because I regret it and I don't; I am mad and I am not; I am sad, but I am now determined to find something different with someone else who will cherish the person I am. I am now finished with my foreign husband who doesn't care and I will see my obligation through, but will no longer give him what he doesn't deserve or broken heart.

Comments for Scorpio Woman in love with an Aquarius Man who never cared

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by: Anonymous

Sounds like you've been through shit. But, having said that, I think you have made lots of classic 'scary moves' when it comes to getting a man attracted and committed to you. Men are NOT emotional by nature, but women are. Our emotional state drives a lot of how we handle things, but for men, it is very different. i think that for future reference, the biggest difference will come when you value YOURSELF more than the man. It might sound strange, but it sounds like you were depending solely on him and his reactions for your emotional security. If you heap your 'neediness' on a man, they usually withdraw into themselves and can't deal with it. Not because they don't care, or because men are bad - they are just DIFFERENT to women.

Men are taught all their lives to suppress emotion, not cry, etc. - so, men are always uncomfortable during talks about 'feelings & emotions'. They hate that and simply can't deal with it very well.

Concentrate on yourself, the things you like to do, the friends you like to spend time with, your own interests, enjoy your own fashion,your individual style etc. If you focus on yourself and making yourself happy, then you are building the blocks of confidence - and its personal confidence that are most attractive to a man.

Google Dr Christian Carter - you'll get great advice there.
Don't worry, you had a bad and confusing time, but this experience should bot control how you handle things in future - its YOU that controls your future. Good luck!!

by: Anonymous

I think you still have a chance with your aqua. You can't move fast with them or demand all this time or emotional reassurance from them. I know it's hard to understand because you feel like if someone really likes you they'll show it, call you, and verbally spat out all these declarations of love. Sorry honey, but aquas don't work that way. You really have to tone it down and relinquish all control to them in terms of the pace of the relationship....patients is key.

by: Anonymous

Thank you, both, for your comments. I am a little embarrassed that I even wrote that story and was just very upset at the time. I am a very confident woman and, if you knew me, you would be shocked to have seen that story posted or any sign of low self esteem that was throughout the story. My story was very one-sided and full of my own self misery at the time. I neglected to say that he is a very honest and good person and never has shown himself as a sneaky or mean person. He was up front, from the beginning, that he has goals and is not looking for a relationship...also, he would like to be with someone within his own culture. It was I who agreed and, as I really did think I meant it, it was I who changed my mind and became upset for not getting my way. I was trying to woo him and I take full responsibility for my own actions. I re-read the post and realized just how crazy I made myself sound, which is very much not me...I was just emotional and writing a story while being upset...not a good combination. Anyways, I am fine and if it happens, then so be it; but, if it does not happen, then it was not meant to be. Again...thank you for your comments and I am now really embarrassed for my crazy story! Lol!

by: Anonymous

From my Aqua's view, you need to get out before getting 'addicted' to your pain of rejection.He wont ever give you what you seek.He will always use you because he doesnt see anything wrong since you agreed to it like you said.You think he was hot and cold but it was just you who were always 'hot' for him.Once he gets settled down permanenly, he ll find someone else and I suspect he has a girl in his country already.

by: Anonymous

I posted the first message above - how are you getting on?

Hey - don't be embarrassed about emotionally you poured out = just DON"T! Look around these forums and you'll see the same thing everywhere -we're only human. We're all just trying to help each other make sense of the aqua/scorpio dynamic, which is in itself an emotional rollercoaster. Say whatever you want to say, this is a safe place to rant, and you're not being judged for it - nor should you harshly judge yourself.

I would say that I am a strong independent woman who is pretty well tuned in. That said, I recognize the way that you poured everything out, in an emotional, confused and hurt way. Do not be embarrassed at how it all came out. You didn't even stop to break your text up into easily-readable paragraphs - it came out as one long outpouring. Everyone here understands that. Shit, I did it myself during a confusing period!

It also sounds as though we are from the same cultural background, so I think I really do have insight into your situation. And there is definitely a minefield of contradictons at play - east background v west upbringing, obligation v independence, family v individual, dual culture issues etc. Part of that is not showing weakness, being dutiful, and...well..taking some shit, frankly. I'm going to do some straight talking, in the hope that it helps you.

Your situation with this guy was 'an arrangement' from the start, not a romance. He didn't come to you because he liked you, wanted you, wanted to get to know you etc. There was nothing about your personality that drew him in. It isn't relevant that he is kind, honest, decent etc. Part of the deal was that you were OBLIGATED to get to know each other, so that you could convince other people that you were close. In a situation like that, with the family expectations also weighing on the situation, its tough enough. When your own feelings and emotions became involved, I see how it was hard to work out what was going on. 'Pretending' to have a real relationship is bound to spill over.

The guy has never 'chosen' you. He was obliged to make a decent show of it and he has a complete absence of wanting to make a go of it. I saw the lat post saying:

"I still think you have a chance with your aqua".

A chance to do what?!!!! The guy really is not into you, you would know if he was by his BEHAVIOUR - not his words. You might be confident and ballsy and independent, but that doesn't mean you can't have low self-esteem. I know you don't think you have, but to me, it reeked of 'under-rating' yourself.


by: AVP

Here's what you posted:
I am a little embarrassed
I am really embarrassed
My story was very one-sided
Full of my own self-misery
I neglected...
It was I who agreed
It was I who changed my mind
How crazy I made myself...
I was upset for not getting my way..
I was just emotional...
..My crazy story. Lol!

Very honest person
Good person
...Upfront from the beginning
Never shown himself as sneaky or mean
He has goals
Also, he would like...
I was trying to woo him

Your post oozes some classic low self-esteem traits - and I hope that this shocks you and makes you think!!

You’re self-depricating, taking all the blame, making excuses for him & belittling yourself. In contrast, he sounds like the best thing since sliced bread – and you’re ‘not worthy’. I know you totally disagree, but I really hope that you try and see past you own mask.

Even the title of your post “woman in love with a man who never cared..” is card-carrying victim mentality - self-imposed.

I probably sound like a complete bitch, who has written an insulting post. I don’t mean to be! You came here for help, and thats what I’m trying to do, but I don’t think it helps to sugar coat something as important as YOU! You’re not to blame for the hurt/pain/confusion. The “full responsibility” that you spoke of is not yours to take. You were responding to circumstances, signals, words, intimacy, friendship, family prssures etc. I think the SITUATION was fucked up, not either of you – and that is said from someone of the same culture!
The fact is that your aqua was also confused and sending contradictory signals and (probably unintentionally) fucking with your emotions & your head. I’m sure that he did what he could to try and make it work, but his heart just wasn’t in it. Its NOTHING to do with YOU, you didn’t ‘play it wrong’, you didn’t do anything wrong and I really really wish you would see that.
Two strangers, with two sets of family pressure and ‘an arrangement’ to see through, obliged to make it seem like a ‘real marriage’, brings a powerful cocktail to mess with the head and the heart. But that cocktail does not make that ‘chemistry’ that needs to be there in order for you to have a fulfilling relationship.
What I wanted to say again is that it is all about YOU. Not all about him. There is only 1 of you, and plenty of people out there who would be happy to undermine you. Please don’t undermine or under-rate yourself – let that be the job of other people and you build yourself strong. That means truly having having the confidence to be who you really are, not what you think you should be.


by: AVP

You said:
“if you knew me, you would be see any sign of low-self esteem”- then the rest of your post was ‘low self-esteem city’. I hope it helps to be aware of that. I think the real key for you is to be yourself, be honest with yourself, don’t criticise yourself, don’t apologise for yourself, enjoy yourself, get to understand yourself, like yourself, do things that make you feel great. Thats what ‘building yourself’ means. Act in your own best interests, because nobody else can truly do that for you.
Your future relationship success depends on you, nobody else. Thats because your emotional well-being can only come from You, nobody else. Thats a very good reason to rate yourself highly.

Sorry if this post sounds like this beating you up – its actually intended to make you think about things with another perspective, not just the one you’re using.

Heres a question for you to finish up (i hope) with a lighter tone:
Imagine you have a destination that you really have to get to – but you and him are in a car that is stuck midway up a long hill. The car has no gas, so its up to you make the car move. What would be in YOUR best interests to happen next?
Do you leave him with the car while you go get the train?
Does he get out and push the car while you steer?
Do you push the car while he sits in it and steers?
Do you both push the car together?
Do you both sit in the car and let it slowly roll down the hill?

I’d love to hear which option you would go for!

Scorpios beware of Aquariass men!
by: Anonymous

My Hispanic aquarius man did me the the same damn way. I believe they are twins. Simply put, I was in love with this man and he just wanted me for casual sex. Never wanted to talk about commitments or marriage. I am Black and he is Mexican. I am 11 years older. This has been the worst mistake I have made since I first started dating! Scorpio women stay away from these Aquaass men. We are tooo emotional!

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