Why can't my Taurus man mean what he says?

by Jenny
(California)

I am a Libra with a lot of Scorpio in my chart and some Virgo. We fell in love almost instantly, he told me it was love at first sight etc. The sex was amazing, he started to open up to me admitting these really horrific events he had taken part in, I still accepted him, and tried to understand, even to the point of accepting to take responsibility for his child with another woman. Soon i started to step up to telling him more about myself, I assumed since I had never done anything as crazy as some of the things he had, he would have nothing to say but to accept me as well, not the deal. He practically flipped out over tons of stuff that was truly hypocritical-I still can't believe how he could be so harsh towards me when he had done similar but worse himself! Then it started where he was paranoid, and literally kept me up for 6 hours a night to argue-if I hung up he would get worse, I needed my phone for an alarm and could not silence or turn it off either. the first night I was able to do this-he told me he had talked to his ex instead and then broke my phone in half! There was still major romance and amazing good intimate moment in between all of the turmoil-though many times I felt I was going insane! It got worse for a while, after we got married I thought it would be better as he assured me it would be, of course not. Eventually he tried to overdose, i found him and saved his life, several times I had already made idol threats to leave him which I deeply regret but the threats were in attempt to wake him up to how bad everything was, but I had not the strength to leave him. I loved him, and would keep my vows, he was issued anger management classes which he denied to needing, and wouldn't go even though I went with him to the first one like he asked! We got in our last big argument one night after things had been good for a long while-I was so sick of it and left the house to live with my mom for a few days, I regret it now. But for the next two months everything was quickly improving it seemed, I felt like we were becoming close again as we had been when we first met. He had been living with me in my hometown, where life really sucks if you don't have much money (San Diego), we agreed that moving back to his home town would make things so much better.I had even met his family and friends and we all got along great. He left first to prepare things, and I needed to wrap things up with college here and family. But after he went home, his usual paranoid and constant phone calls didn't persist as he used to be when we had been apart in the beginning, I was happy thinking he had grown up, even though I missed him terribly and left sweet messages. I didn't realize this was him being distant. One night we briefly spoke of how things were going to change, I was very positive and told him how proud of I was for turning our relationship and life around, he told me he agreed and was happy too, then the next morning he told me "I'm not ready for a relationship" the told me he was getting a lawyer for a divorce. I freaked out and cried and said no, asked questions, he didn't even have a good answer, would hang up when I cried. Then I had finally decided I would sign the divorce papers, i told him I couldn't fight hearing him tell me he would work around me-that he wanted it so badly. He cried to me after that almost every two days for a while, about how no matter what he's not happy, and when I recommended we could work things out he'd say no, that there was nothing more to do, when I finally told him that's bullshit he actually didn't hang up as I expected, he just stayed silent for a minute and I changed the subject. he said neither one of us is ready for a relationship, then I find out he is dating a new girl already and says he loves her, but they rarely see each other, and I haven't noticed her saying it back! He was so tight on money, I bought him the guitar he wanted and more, and he rarely wanted me to get anything for myself, I find out he's buying stuff for this girl (and he was just crying because he's in over $50,000 of debt for hospital bills, and a loan from before he met me, and not including for his new used car and more...) Also, many things he got mad at me about in the beginning relationship that I had adapted to-I find out she does all of those things! It doesn't make any sense why he's going crazy like this. We haven't spoken for a while, I called him and left messages about letting out all I had to say when i found out he was with someone else, telling him he doesn't make sense, that I miss him, but he's obviously confused and I don't want to be. After, I sent him info. for tickets to a band he liked and he told me specifically not to "email" him anymore-didn't say anything about calling him, but i haven't and I don't think i should. The sick thing is I remember how it felt like we were moving forward in the end and I miss all of the good things about our relationship.I still don't know if he has even filed the papers for divorce yet. I miss him all the time, it actually seems more everyday. I talk to men now, and go out on casual dates with them as friends, I used to be the type to move on pretty quickly, but I just can't this time. It hurts that he can yet it's funny to me that she's a lot like me as far as what i've seen yet like the old me that he used to make me feel guilty about being! If he's in debt how can he be taking her shopping like it's nothing? Why do i still love him so much? I have hopes that as i work to improve myself he will do the same, and that eventually we will end up back together, I've met plenty of attractive and fun, funny, successful males but I could never see it being the same. There's so much and more about my ex's good side that it's difficult to see myself without in a man, and so much that that's why I tried my best to help him with and even accept his dark side. But all of that was for him to leave? he says a part of it is the threats of leaving that I used to make but that hadn't been for a while, and it had seemed so convincingly that we had been moving past that- we didn't even get the chance to live away from the chaos of the city and my family's problems (in debt, single crazy people, unsuccessful in general). Why is he so confusing? How did it turn around so quickly right when things seemed to be getting better? There were other times he wouldn't let me go too, and it would've made sense so why hold on until things are JUST getting better? Then he's all depressed and sad and jumps into a new relationship? I wish i could know how to someday get him back, at the same time, i don't want drama anymore, but i think i've seriously learned how to avoid all of that, and to prove I wouldn't leave and that being in a different state in several ways, we could be perfect! Please help!