Relationship counseling

This page is a collection of resources to help you decide if relationship counseling is right for you. If you know of other resources not listed please feel free to send me a note of them and I'll get them added.

It's easy to feel powerless to fix our relationships, but the reality is we have control, and can improve our relationship skills often without needing professional help.

This first article was written by my close friend and associate, Dr Mia Glanville.

Mia has 4 separate degrees in Psychology and Education and a successful private practice. She wrote regularly for women's periodicals about parenting, published 6 books, and has been utilized as an expert witness in Courts of Law.

She offers easily accessible relationship counseling via email, and also has one of the most interesting websites on the internet! Better sex for women a content rich site focused on relationships (dont be misled by the site name, it's far more general than it sounds).

This article is a great reminder that we have the power to change many things in our relationships...

10 Ways to Create a Conscious Relationship

There are relationship skills you can master, right now, to move your relationship from just one more thing on your to-do list to a loving space where you consciously invest energy to take it to a deeper level.

1. Increase your awareness

Love starts with you. When you expand your thinking and beliefs, love flows freely. When you contract, you shut yourself off. Spend time with yourself to reflect on the relationship skills you need to learn to make your union a safe place for both of you. It is in your power to create a relationship where it is safe to love each other, and where you can both fully express who you are. The more awareness and intention you invest in your relationship, the more potent and meaningful it becomes.

2. Be honest with yourself and each other

All relationships have problems. Rather than running away or falling apart, face the issues in your relationship courageously. This implies honesty with yourself and each other. It’s not always easy to face problems without distorting it or attacking each other, but if you turn towards the problem in the spirit of solving it together, it becomes an opportunity for individual and mutual growth.

3. Communicate effectively

Choose discussion over discord. Take the time to simply share with your partner what is good about your relationship, as well as what is bothering you. Listening to your partner is one of the mos important relationship skills that you can master. Open your heart and your mind when you communicate with your partner. If you are owned by your baggage from the past, you will not be able to listen consciously. You’ll be surprised how much you can do to improve your relationship by just hearing your partner out.

4. Take responsibility for your emotional responses

Playing the blame game damages the very fabric of your relationship. It is your responsibility to turn your attention to yourself in order to gain insight into your own emotions. Blaming your partner when you get angry or sad is senseless. Instead, ask yourself why you have such a strong reaction to events and work on acknowledging and healing your own wounds.

5. Develop acceptance

Be accepting of the differences between you and your partner. It becomes easier to empathize with their point of view when you consciously create a deep appreciation for who they are – all their little peculiarities, the things they may not do so well, and of course all their wonderful qualities too. Make a decision to accept the whole package with love. Unconditionally.

6. Be playful

Creating a conscious relationship is about making the most of the present moment. Ask your partner how they’d like to have fun – in and out of the bedroom. Go for walks on the beach; watch funny movies together; invest in a few toys for games between the sheets. It might be embarrassing at first, but what do you have to lose? It may help you reconnect as a couple in ways that you never thought possible.

7. Keep the romance alive

Consciously make a decision to do something romantic with your partner on a regular basis. It’s important to know that love doesn’t conquer all. It may not survive being ignored for an extended period of time. Take care to make time for a romantic dinner for two, foot massages, long bubble baths and candles in the bedroom. Figure out what makes you feel especially cared for and ask for it!

8. Make your home a sanctuary

Your home is a reflection of what you believe you deserve – for yourself and in your relationship. If it’s cluttered and messy, start cleaning it up. Invest in a bunch of fresh flowers now and then, bake pumpkin pie and fill it with the sounds of music and laughter. It is in your power to create an environment that is comfortable and joyous – so why wouldn’t you?

9. Seek help

If you’re going through a rocky period in your relationship, know that there is hope and help available. A good relationship need not be left to chance. You can learn relationship skills and strategies that can help you deepen your love and commitment to each other. Talk to a trusted person or schedule a session with a therapist. The boost of professional help may be all that’s needed to get you back on the road to a lifetime of love.

10. Let go

Be willing to let go of frustrations, grudges and emotional baggage. A confused, negative or angry mind can cause your body to suffer from nervous conditions, impaired immunity, cardiovascular conditions and digestive disorders. It’s therefore in your own best interest to choose love rather than anger or resentment. Letting go implies forgiving each other for not being perfect. Tell yourself that your negative beliefs no longer serve you and replace them with new, positive affirmations. Letting go in love is the most powerful healing force there is.

Being connected and experiencing intimacy in your relationship is one of life's miracles. Take the time to create a conscious relationship that is built on love, trust and mutual fulfilment.

Dr Mia's website is Better sex for women